I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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