"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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