I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
