3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
