Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
he had hair everywhere except his balls
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
