Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
