All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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