Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
