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I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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