We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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