just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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