No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
