No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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