my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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