i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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