my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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