Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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