i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
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This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
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I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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