I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
