Swine flu. Run for my life!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize