you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
