WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
