Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I need a beard to bite.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.