he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
