and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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