yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
