Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
