I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize