Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wish you could order shots online.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
