at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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