You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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