My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
