She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
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Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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