Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
