You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
