Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
