i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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