Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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