I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
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There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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