THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
