girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize