I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
