If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize