there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
