Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How drunk are you?
Completed.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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