The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
