my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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