It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
