I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
