I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
