eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
