come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
