I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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