apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
