i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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