he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
