Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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